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Blame Single Mothers for the Reason You’re Gay

Another accusation has been placed at the feet of single mothers—especially Black mothers.

Black women are blamed for supposedly “making” Black men gay because they raised their sons without a father or around too many women. If a Black man is feminine, people may blame his mother. Yet plenty of masculine, heterosexual men were also raised primarily by women. There are also masculine lesbian women, so whom are we supposed to blame for them?

Black women are not only blamed when a Black man is gay; they are also blamed when a Black man lives “on the down low,” commonly referred to as the DL. Somehow, women are held responsible for both his sexual orientation and his decision to conceal it. But how can Black women be blamed for making a man gay and then blamed again because he does not openly acknowledge his sexuality or same-sex behavior?

A person’s mannerisms, masculinity, or femininity do not automatically reveal their sexual orientation. This survey examines whether members of the LGBTQ+ community believe their mother, father, upbringing, or family structure influenced who they are. It also explores whether family expectations, religious beliefs, community judgment, or fear of rejection contribute to some men hiding their sexuality.

Although this conversation frequently targets Black mothers, this survey is open to everyone. If mothers or women in other communities receive the same blame, we want to hear from you too.

Blame Single Mothers for the Reason You're Gay
1) Which most closely describes your gender?*
1) Which most closely describes your gender?*
2) Which race or ethnicity best describes you?*
2) Which race or ethnicity best describes you?*

3)

Which statement best describes your relationship to the LGBTQ+ community?*

3)

Which statement best describes your relationship to the LGBTQ+ community?*
Upbringing, Sexual Orientation, and Secrecy
This section examines whether respondents believe their upbringing influenced their sexual orientation and whether family or community expectations caused them to conceal it.

1)

Which best describes the household in which you were raised for most of your childhood?*

1)

Which best describes the household in which you were raised for most of your childhood?*

2)

Do you Blame either parent for being part of the LGBTQ Community?*

2)

Do you Blame either parent for being part of the LGBTQ Community?*

3)

Have you ever concealed your sexual orientation or same-sex relationships from others—sometimes described as on the “down low” or DL?*

3)

Have you ever concealed your sexual orientation or same-sex relationships from others—sometimes described as on the “down low” or DL?*
Reasons for Concealment

1)

What contributed to your decision to conceal your sexual orientation or relationships? Select all that apply.*

1)

What contributed to your decision to conceal your sexual orientation or relationships? Select all that apply.*
Final Thoughts

1) In your own words, what do you want people to understand about blaming parents—especially single mothers—for someone’s sexual orientation or decision to conceal it?

1) In your own words, what do you want people to understand about blaming parents—especially single mothers—for someone’s sexual orientation or decision to conceal it?

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