Many women know this routine: a man from another race approaches you, shows interest, and eventually begins tearing down the women from his own community. Sometimes the comments are so vicious and unprovoked that you wonder whether you are being tested—or expected to accept his disrespect as a compliment.
Over the past two years, I have watched the attacks against Black women become louder, more frequent, and more acceptable in certain online spaces. Much of that content appears to be spearheaded by Black men and amplified by Black women who join in, seek approval, or separate themselves from the women being attacked—behavior commonly described as “pick-me” behavior.
I have to keep it real: in the conversations and online spaces I have observed, no other group of men seems as publicly comfortable disparaging the women of its own race as some Black men are when speaking about Black women. That does not mean every Black man behaves this way, nor does it mean similar behavior never occurs in other communities. That is part of what this survey is intended to explore.
Women of other races, we especially want to hear from you. Has a Black man ever approached, pursued, or dated you and then attempted to compliment you by insulting Black women? Did he describe Black women in degrading terms, blame them for everything wrong in the Black community, or expect you to bond with him through his contempt for them? What did he say, and how did it make you view him?
Black women, we want your experiences too. Have you heard Black men praise women of other races while publicly humiliating Black women? Have you witnessed other Black women joining these attacks, defending the men responsible, or blaming Black women for the disrespect directed toward them?
This survey remains open to every demographic. If you have dated or been approached by someone from another racial or cultural group who began speaking terribly about the women—or men—from their own community, your experience belongs in this discussion as well.
This survey is not targeting people who date outside their race, nor does it assume that every interracial relationship begins with disrespect. It examines people who use contempt for their own community as a conversation starter, bonding exercise, or dating strategy.
If you do not disparage the women or men of your community to gain approval from people of another race, then you should not feel targeted.
Take the survey, visit the forum, and tell us what you witnessed. You may share the actual words or general message without identifying the person involved. Sometimes people do not realize what is being said behind their backs until someone outside the community is willing to reveal it.
